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Bumper Stickers

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

All generalizations are false.

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

Bad cop, no donut.

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

Beer. It's not just for breakfast any more.

Born free...Taxed to death.

BRAKE FOR MOOSE - IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE

Cancer cures smoking.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

CHEW ON A SOCK

CLEVERLY DISGUISED AS A RESPONSIBLE ADULT

Clinton doesn't inhale, he sucks!

Commit random, senseless acts.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

DARE to keep cops off donuts.

DARE TO THINK FOR YOURSELF

Dear IRS: I would like to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list.

DESPERATELY CLINGING TO UTOPIAN ILLUSIONS

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

Do not adjust your mind, the fault is with reality.

Don't blame me, I voted for Dole.

Don't drink and drive, you might spill your drink.

Don't follow me, I'm lost too!

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

DYSLEXICS OF THE WORLD - UNTIE!

EARTH FIRST! We'll strip mine the other planets later.

EARTH IS FULL - GO HOME

Eat beans, not beings.

EAT RIGHT, EXERCISE, DIE ANYWAY

Eschew obfuscation.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.

Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.

Friends don't let friends drive naked.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Geez if you belive in honkus.

Geneology: Chasing your own tale.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

GONE CRAZY - BE BACK SHORTLY

Got kleptomania ? Take something for it.

HANG UP AND DRIVE

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS... STILL DIES

HE WHO HESITATES IS NOT ONLY LOST, BUT MILES FROM THE NEXT EXIT

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.

HONK IF ANYTHING FALLS OFF

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

HONK IF YOU'RE ONTOLOGICALLY ALIENATED

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

HOW DO I SET A LASER PRINTER TO STUN?

I brake for no apparent reason.

I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

I CAN SEE THROUGH YOUR CLOTHES

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I DO WHATEVER MY RICE KRISPIES TELL ME TO

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I fought the lawn and the lawn won.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

I HAVE ANIMAL MAGNETISM - WHEN I GO OUTSIDE, SQUIRRELS ARE ATTRACTED TO ME

I HAVE NO INTENTION OF TELLING YOU MY REAL NAME

I HAVEN'T LOST MY MIND - IT'S BACKED UP ON DISK SOMEWHERE

I is a college student.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I know high people in places.

I love cats...they taste just like chicken.

I never worry when I get lost... I just change where I want to go.

I REFUSE TO HAVE A BATTLE OF WITS WITH AN UNARMED PERSON

i souport publik edekashun.

I THINK - THEREFORE I DON'T LISTEN TO DAN RATHER

I THINK WE MET IN A PAST LIFE, AND YOU WERE A DIPSTICK THEN TOO

I THINK YOU LEFT THE STOVE ON

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I USED TO BE DISGUSTED - NOW I'M JUST AMUSED

I want to be like Barbie, that bitch has everything.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges..?

I'm not so think as you drunk I am.

I'm pro-Life-jacket, and I boat.

I'M THE PERSON YOUR MOTHER WARNED YOU ABOUT

IF PROGRESS MEANS TO MOVE FORWARD, WHAT DOES CONGRESS MEAN?

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

IF WE QUIT VOTING - WILL THEY ALL GO AWAY?

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

If you don't like the news, go out and make some.

If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

IF YOU'RE NOT OUTRAGED - YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION

ILLITERATE? WRITE FOR HELP

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

IT'S BEEN LOVELY - BUT I HAVE TO SCREAM NOW

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.

Keep honking while I reload.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.

Lions do it with pride.

LOBOTOMIES FOR DEMOCRATS? WHY BE REDUNDANT?

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Mean people suck . . . Nice people swallow

MINIMUM WAGE FOR POLITICIANS

MONTANA - AT LEAST THE COWS ARE SANE

MY HONOR STUDENT IS ALSO A BLACKBELT, SO BRING ON YOUR BULLY

My kid had sex with your South High honor student.

MY MOM THINKS I'M AT THE MOVIES

MY OTHER CAR HAS BUMPERSTICKERS, TOO

My son is getting out for good behavior at Father Baker's Reform School.

MY SON ISN'T AN HONOR STUDENT, HE PLAYS HOCKEY

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ... or something like that.

Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

No radio - Already stolen.

NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

OH, GO EVOLVE!

OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

POLITICS - FROM THE WORDS "POLY" MEANING "MANY" AND "TICKS", AS IN "SMALL, BLOOD-SUCKING PARASITES"

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?

Rehab is for quitters.

Save California; when you leave take someone with you.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Sex is a misdemeanor. . .the more I miss it, the meaner I get!!

Sex on television can't hurt you . . . unless you fall off.

She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

SO MANY FOOLS - SO FEW COMETS

SO MANY PEDESTRIANS - SO LITTLE TIME

SO WHO PIDDLED ON YOUR POST TOASTIES?

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

STAY TUNED! - I COULD SAY SOMETHING BRILLIANT AT ANY MOMENT!

Stop inbreeding... ban country music.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Support Cannibalism - EAT ME!

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Teachers do it with class

Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.

Thank you for NOT being perky.

THE FACE IS FAMILIAR - BUT I CAN'T QUITE REMEMBER MY NAME

THE GENE POOL COULD USE A LITTLE CHLORINE

The hell with world peace. Visualize using your bloody turn signal.

The LEFT makes so many RIGHT turns that they keep going in circles.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

The more things change, the more they remain insane.

THE NEW RIGHT IS FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG

THE TROUBLE WITH YOU IS THAT YOU'RE ALIVE

The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

THIS BUMPERSTICKER EXPLOITS ILLITERATES

THIS IS IT - I DON'T HAVE ANOTHER CAR

THIS ISN'T MY IDEA OF A GOOD TIME

THIS WOULD BE REALLY FUNNY - IF IT WEREN'T HAPPENING TO ME

THOSE WHO ABANDON THEIR DREAMS WILL DISCOURAGE YOURS

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

UNIQUELY MALADJUSTED - BUT FUN

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

VISUALIZE BEING A COURTEOUS DRIVER

Visualize Whirled Peas.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?

WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT LIBERALS THAT HASN'T ALREADY BEEN SAID ABOUT HEMORRHOIDS?

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS..

WHERE ARE WE GOING - AND WHY AM I IN THIS HANDBASKET?

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

WHO ARE THE GRATEFUL DEAD - AND WHY DO THEY KEEP FOLLOWING ME?

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word

Will Rogers never met a lawyer.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

YOU! OUT OF THE GENE POOL!

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE THE VOICES ARE TALKING TO ME

Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.