Signs you might have a drinking problem
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Beer ads make sense.
Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
I'm as jober as a sudge.
Job interfering with your drinking.
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
Roseanne looks good.
Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
The space on your drivers license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.
You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.
You can focus better with one eye closed.
You explain to your bank manager that you spent your overdraft mainly on beer and women, "the rest I just wasted."
You fall asleep taking a dump.
You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.
You fall off the floor...
You find it's easier to study drunk.
You first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half hour later you're afraid you won't.
You frequently urinate outdoors.
You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You mix your cocktails by the liter.
You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.
You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect.
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women or Men].
You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night.
You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.
You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.