How To Find Jesus

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How to Find Jesus

Finding Jesus can be critically important in an emergency. The key is knowing where to look.

1) Don't panic

Many people, after realizing they have lost Jesus, become panicky. This can be very dangerous. Instead, take a few deep breaths, relax, and think: where was the last place you had Jesus? Go there.

2) Look around

Be thorough. Did you look behind the couch? He might be there. Don't just glance around the room, either. Lift things up. He might be in the clothing hamper, for instance. Check there. He's probably right where you left Him.

3) Ask around

If you still cannot find Jesus, talk to others. Do not ask them "have you found Jesus?" For one thing, they may have never misplaced him in the first place, so your question might be construed as awkward. Also, you might not want to admit you've lost Him, as this is a reasonably irresponsible thing to do. Instead, ask if they've seen Him recently, and if so, where. Here is a list of people who might know where Jesus is:

a) Professional athletes. They are finding Jesus on a daily basis, because He is a big sports fan.

b) Clergymen. Priests, monks, pastors, rectors, elders, and chaplains are all good people to talk to about this. You may find that many of them haven't seen Jesus in a long time, but they are usually pretty good at finding Him in a pinch.

c) The Pope. The upside is that not only does he know where to find Jesus, he probably had lunch with Him yesterday. The downside is that the Pope's schedule is usually very full.

4) Bounty hunters

If you are still unable to find Jesus, you may want to consider this option, although it is somewhat extreme and not likely to work. Bounty hunters are people who will find Jesus for you, but you have to pay them. They usually dress in white clothing for some reason, many are from the South, and all of them spend a lot of time on television announcing their desire to help you find Jesus, provided you send them cash. Dealing with a bounty hunter is a lot like speaking to a used car salesman. If you ask "how much will it cost to find Jesus?" they may quote a price, but that is not the final price, and next week they are charging you double. If you are not careful, before long you will have sent them all of your money, and they still have not found Jesus for you. Then they will claim that this is your fault. The truth is, they either don't know where to find Jesus, or they mistook someone else for Him.

Things to know

-Once you have found Jesus, keep an eye on him. He may wander off again.

-In the event that you never find Jesus, consider the possibility that He does not want you to find Him.